And this story is the simplest one yet
This is you, the line parallel to mine
Sometimes you turn around and sometimes you face me
Like two trains passing each other as they travel side by side in opposite directions, and the passenger in one train gets a glimpse of the people she passes but will never hold any relationship or any haze for more than half that second before the whole carriage vanishes into the distance from which she came from but won’t return to
It’s that tension from the way we run parallel and the perplexity that we don’t ever get close
It is you, this discoloured uncoloured line because I haven’t cracked you yet
Because though I see you length to length from breadth to breadth,
I still don’t know who you are
I WAS BEIN NICE BUT THAT WILLOW PAPE MADE ME LOSE 300K FANS I’m still an A lister BUT HOMEGIRL NEEDS TO STOP BITCHING
And how did I go from incessant speech and public posts, from being called out for talking in class, from being known as the chatterbox, to falling so silent, not from the lack of words but because I am unable to speak.
And somehow friends seemingly friendly open, media being accepting and diverse, cannot provide any ways I can express this. That the best way is through lonely grunts and quiet tears, escaped sighs never meant to be heard. That I’ve become so suppressed by circumstance and mostly myself.
Beyond isolation is the feeling that there’s no where else to go.
Even if the problem is with myself I don’t know how to fix this. The self awareness I’ve always had turns out to be completely useless in a world where I am pushed aside and displaced except when I am alone.
I would like the class to do exceedingly well in geog and math so we can sing
STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW WE HERE
STARTED FROM THE BOTTOM NOW THE WHOLE TEAM HERE
Haven’t blogged just for the sake of it in a long time so um
- sexism is not okay. If you don’t have any misogynistic intents it’s good to learn to better express the thought in a less offensive and less subjective way
- cw problems. Paper cutting is fun but ansowpbzbxoa what the hell am I doing and why is it wrong I don’t understand
- I need to get into LCC the students they produce are amazing
- tea makes any day better my productivity level has multiplied three times
- willow pape is a drunk bij she’s lucky I called a cab for her
- my table’s a mess no matter how often I clean it up
- the weather has been so damn hot and it doesn’t help that I like black a lot
Wow what have I done that I’ve become so insignificantly forgotten. Not second best or the next, merely tolerated. I’m sick of this and I’m ready to disappear.
Give me wings that I may fly away
Give me fins that I may swim away
Or take me away
"I was within and without"
I am within and without
And all these dreams and paralysing memories that keep flooding back, I don’t know what to make of them.
I just really want to go for good. I don’t want to have to try to be liked or try to have company around me because they aren’t sticking and I’m beginning to think that only children like me growing up around adults and the television being so socially incapable have absolutely no shot at surviving the social world. I don’t have to try anymore it’s exhausting and I want to stay in slumber for good.
It’s all exhausting and shitty basically and it’s such a lonely struggle and it pains me that I’m able to relate so strongly with Vladimir and Larkin who are all tinted in dull grey without a ray of sunshine.
What the hell is happening
When I play with photoshop, make graphics, edit my photos.. I make decisions intuitively but so subconsciously and that’s how I find out what kind of person I am. Because I’m not consciously shaping myself and my preferences, it just happens. And the end result is so satisfying but it feels so me at the same time.
Basically it helps to not try so hard
And I’ve learnt so much about myself it’s amazing
The smallest seed of an idea can grow. It can grow to define or destroy you.